Look at "The World" so close, and we're halfway to it... 12 hours and counting

Thanksgiving dinner cleaned and stored - check.

Babies' suitcase packed - check.

Mama and Papa Bear's suitcase packed - check.

Diaper bag stocked with toys, treats, and essentials - check.

Itinerary and tickets printed out - check.

Tick, tock, tick, tock... we are a mere sleep away from our first ever DISNEY WORLD VACATION! AHH!! *cue confetti and balloons and those obnoxious noise blower things*

I've decided that I'm going to do a live trip report while I'm in Disney. Mostly because I think it will help preserve my memories better, so when I go to make scrap books I'll have all the details. But also because I think some of you might enjoy reading about it, especially if you're considering a trip of your own in the future.

We will be leaving at 11 am tomorrow morning on a JetBlue plane, short layover in NYC, and then onto the happiest place on earth. I have been counting down to this day for over six months, and I can hardly believe it's here. 

Let me give you the run down. Here's your cast:

Me of course! Lover of ALL things Disney, and the vacation planner of the family.

Papa Bear! Wonderful husband and fantastic father to our girls. He puts up with my DisObsession :)

The Twincesses! I love these girls!!!

Nana! She's coming with us to help with the girls!

The schedule is as follows:

· Friday 11/25 - Check into Pop Century

Downtown Disney for dinner and bed!

· Saturday 11/26 – Wizrding World of Harry Potter for the day

 Date night!

· Sunday 11/27 – Animal Kingdom

Check into Port Orleans French Quarter

Counter service lunch

Dinner at Yak and Yeti - 

 Illuminations???

· Monday 11/28 – Hollywood Studios

Breakfast at the Kona Cafe

Lunch at 50's Prime Time Cafe

Starring Rolls to get snacks for Fantasmic!

Fantasmic! Fireworks show

Hollywood Brown Derby for dinner

· Tuesday 11/29 – Epcot

Kringla Bakery

Lunch at Les Chefs De France

Candlelight Processional

Snack from Karamel Kuche 

Dinner at Whispering Canyon Café

· Wednesday 11/30 – Magic Kingdom

Breakfast at The Crystal Palace

Lunch at Liberty Tree Tavern

Dinner at the Yachtsman Steakhouse

Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party

Thursday 12/1 - Departure Day

Downtown Disney until we leave

So there we go! I'm about to head to bed to get some good sleep for our big day of traveling tomorrow! 

Pepperoni Pretzel bread

A few weeks ago a couple of girlfriends talked me into joining Pintrest. Once I discovered the beauty that is virtual pinboards I wondered why on earth I hadn't joined sooner. For the first time, probably ever, I can say that something on the internet has actually made me MORE productive. The recipes I've found have truly inspired me, and that is what brings you tonight's post, pepperoni pretzel bread - and it is delicious.

Here's what you'll need. (This makes TWO rolls!)

2 teaspoons active dry yeast (1 packet of yeast has about 2.5 teaspoons, so be sure to measure)

1/2 teaspoon white sugar

5/8's cups warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C) (to figure this out easier, it's 1/2 a cup, and 1/8 cup *which is half of 1/4*)

2 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1/4 cup white sugar

3/4 teaspoons salt

1 1/2 teaspoons vegetable oil

1/2 cup baking soda

4 cups hot water

1 stick of pepperoni (you can buy the pre-sliced stuff, but I prefer thicker chunks)

1 1/2 cups of mozzerella

1 1/2 a cups of cheddar cheese


Start by making the dough.

In a small bowl, dissolve yeast and 1/2 teaspoon sugar in warm water. Let stand until frothy, about 10 minutes.

In a large bowl, mix together flour, 1/4 cup sugar, and salt.

Make a well in the center; add the oil and yeast mixture.

Mix and form into a dough. If the mixture is dry, add two tablespoons of water.

Knead the dough until smooth, about 7 to 8 minutes (or about 5 minutes in a Kitchenaid mixer).

Lightly oil a large bowl, place the dough in the bowl and turn to coat with oil.

Cover with plastic wrap and let rise in a warm place until doubled in size, about 1 hour.

**Tip: If your house is cold, turn on your oven to it's lowest setting. Once it's preheated, turn it off, open the door for a about a minute, then put your bowl (topped with a damp towel) in for the hour.**

While the dough is rising cut your pepperoni into thickish quarters. You want it at least double the thickness of a pre-sliced piece. If you're using pre-sliced, you should still cut the pepperoni, but you certainly can leave it whole if you prefer.

Once it's doubled in size, remove from the oven and turn the oven on to 450 degrees. Cut the dough in half and roll out each section into a long rectangle. Sprinkle half of each the cheddar and mozzerella towards the center of the dough, then the pepperoni.

Bring the side of the dough that's furthest from you over the cheese and tuck it under to make a long looking roll.

Turn it over so that you can get to the seam and pinch it entirely closed (this is important!)

In the widest sauce pan you have boil the 4 cups of water with the baking soda - once it begins to boil CAREFULLY add the roll to the pan, let it sit for about 30 seconds, again very carefully (and with a pair of tongs or two) flip to soak the other side for another 30 seconds. Carefully remove and set the roll on a greased (or lined with parchment paper) cookie sheet. Melt about 1 tablespoon of butter and brush it over the top of the roll, sprinkle lightly with kosher/coarse salt.

Bake for about 8 minutes or until browned. To serve simply slice. I hope you enjoy!

Pride and Prejudice

I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, but this will not be a blog post based on the beloved novel (and possibly obsessed over by yours truly, but I digress.) This is a post about the kind of pride and prejudice we see in America today. You may or may not have seen this picture graphic gone viral on facebook.

Some people responded in enthusiastic agreement, others less so. The general consensus was that this kind of attitude is okay for people who are REALLY poor. You know, maybe the war veteran's quadriplegic widow and now single mother of 5. Maybe even the orphaned teen girl living on the streets, I mean she could probably get a job, but we're feeling sympathetic. But that twenty something high-school drop out who just doesn't seem to grasp the concept of birth control? No way. They are obviously lazy worthless drains on the society, milking the system for all they can get, and are in absolutely in no way worthy of MY hard earned money. In fact, I know there's a bible verse that talks about exactly that.

Right?

"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:17-18

It is a matter of prejudice. God does not tell us to judge who is poor and who is not, we are simply called to give to those who are in need. We know there are some people who do take advantage of the kindness and charity of others, but they are not the majority. We are also not charged with judging for ourselves who is deserving - we are simply told to give. God will hold others responsible for what they do with the gifts they are given... kind of like us! WE will be held responsible for what we choose to do with the gifts God has given us.

Which brings us to Pride. The idea of it being OUR money is not only prideful, but it's inaccurate. All things belong to God, we have nothing good that has not been given to us. The most important of which being our salvation. Jesus gave us a gift freely - a gift we could never earn. WE are leeches on Gods system of grace, we add nothing of value to him or his kingdom, and the vast majority of us do relatively little to show our gratitude. And yet he DIED for us to give us a free gift of eternal life, simply because he loved us. He is not asking us to die for anyone, he is telling us that if we have more than what we need, to help others do the same. Why do we then feel like we have the right to decide that we're in a position to override that? Because of our selfishness, nevertheless?

This is a national heart issue, and I am guilty of it. I don't mean for this to sound preachy, although I'm sure it does - but this is something that is near and dear to me. We need to get back to the heart of Jesus if we ever hope to serve him here on earth.

"A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor." Proverbs 22:9

It was a dark and stormy night.... and mama wanted cookies!

Have you ever had a craving so strong that you just can't get it out of your head? That you would do things that you wouldn't normally do in a state of sanity, just to fulfill said cravings? No? You're obviously not a woman. Needless to say, I had such a craving. Actually I've had this craving for about a week now, but for some reason haven't had the ingredients necessary to complete it - until today. I went to the grocery store and picked up the missing ingredients, came home, and my husband took the car to work. And then I realized that I forgot flour. FLOUR! Pretty much the main ingredient. Alas, I no longer had a car. My brother in law's car was here, but it's a two door car that didn't have car seat bases - and besides, it was 7pm and I had put the girls down for an early bedtime, since they seemed fussy, and on top of it all it was storming. The cookies would have to wait.

7:15 - it's no big deal, I can just make them tomorrow..

7:30 - afterall, it would really be far too much hassle to go out NOW

7:45 - The girls are still chatting away with themselves, so I took a peek into their room and find them jumping on their cribs (yes, they really do this) - proudly declaring that I was silly to think they were tired. Didn't I know that they weren't the least bit sleepy, and more than likely would never be sleepy again as long as they lived?

7:46 - I was packing the girls into their car seats to make the trek to the store. In the storm. With the two door car.

This part was easily a 10 minute ordeal. I ran to the car to open the doors and move up the seats, then ran back to the house to collect baby #1, and ran BACK to the car to strap her in (which, by the way, I am convinced that in order to strap car seats into the back of a 2 door car, you need to be a contortionist). Lather, rinse, repeat.

We then made a 5 minute car ride to Wegmans, I loaded the girls into a shopping cart, grabbed the flour, and checked out. Back into the car, another 10 minutes to strap the car seats in, 5 minutes home, unloading the car, setting everything back in order, and putting the girls to bed.

And then I began making my cookies. Now this was a recipe I had attempted to half and bake a few weeks ago, and it turned out horribly. So this time I used the whole recipe. Let me tell you a little about this recipe - it requires an entire package of butter and 6 cups of flour. This batter almost broke my poor little 5 qt mixer - it worked it's little motor off, but it got the job done.

They are currently in the oven, and I just have to say, for all the hassle this has been - these had better be the best cookies. EVER.

The best meatballs ever. Seriously.

I love comfort food, and to me, there is nothing more comforting than pasta and meatballs. It's just such a homey food that nearly everyone enjoys. So I am always on the search for the perfect meatball. I don't like them hard, like a hamburger, I prefer them to be moist and tender and melt in your mouth - and today, I think I found my perfect meatball! And good things are meant to be shared, so here we go :)

Cheesy Italian Crock-pot Meatballs

- 1 1/2 lbs of a beef, pork, and veal mix (it comes pre-mixed at my grocery store in the meat section)
- 1 cup of steel cut oats
- 1/2 cup of milk
- 1 egg
- 2/3 cup Ricotta cheese
- 1/2 cup grated Parmesan
- A handful of basil leaves minced (or 1 tablespoon dried)
- 3 sprigs of thyme minced (or 2 teaspoons dried)
- 2 teaspoons dried oregano
- 2 teaspoons dried rosemary
- 2 Tablespoons mustard
- A few dashes of Worcestershire sauce
- Black pepper to taste
- Kosher salt to taste (I suggest around 1 tbspn, give or take)

Pre-heat the oven to 375

In a small bowl pour milk over the steel cut oats - they should be entirely saturated, add more milk if necessary - and let it sit and soak while you complete the next steps.

In a larger bowl mix the meat with all other ingredients

After the oats are saturated, mix in with the meat mixture - incorporate very well.

Rub a baking sheet with a tiny bit of oil, form your meatballs, and bake for about 15 minutes

Meanwhile, add the sauce of your choosing (homemade, store bought, whatever. The meatballs are going to flavor the sauce) into your crock pot. I use'd Mid's sauce, and needed 3 jars or 3 quarts.

Remove meatballs from the oven and transfer from the sheet to the crock pot with a slotted spatula and mix the sauce so that all of the meatballs are completely submerged/covered with the sauce. Cover and let cook on high for 5 hours or on low for longer.

Serve over pasta with garlic bread! Mmm enjoy!

Frugal in Forty: Update!

I have not abandoned my mission or forgotten about it - but things have been a little hectic and busy the past week or so, and I haven't had the time I need to blog about it. Don't give up on me though! I'm hoping to do some catching up soon!

Frugal in Forty: Day 12 - Meatless Mondays: Making Meals Multiply

Meat is without a doubt the biggest expense in our food budget. I spend easily more than half our weekly alotment on it. This is because meat is, by and large, the most important part of my meals. Growing up my mother always made a 3 section meal - meat, a starch/carb, and a vegetable. Obviously there were meals like spaghetti that excluded this, but as a general rule of thumb, you could count on there being meat at every dinner. This is something I have carried with me throughout my entire adult life - a dinner doesn't feel like a meal if it doesn't involve some kind of meat. However, I've decided to try and change that, one step at a time.

Enter, Meatless Mondays. I am going to attempt to make one meal a week sans meat. I chose Monday because I like the alliteration we usually indulge over the weekend, be it grill outs or family dinners or restaurant gatherings - so Mondays are a good time to give ourselves a break.

Tonight I made chili, and I used hamburger - which is what spurred this idea - I could have very easily omitted the hamburger from this dish. If I would have removed the cost of the meat, I would have had about 6 quarts of chili, packed with a ton of different types of beans (the secret to stretching meals like this!) and veggies for around $7.00. That is, in my opinion, a good deal any way you slice it! Not only does that break down to 3.50 a person, but this meal can easily stretch into three meals and a lunch of leftovers. Throw the chili on a baked potato, over some rice, mixed in with some salad, eat it with tortilla chips as a lunch or snack, the possibilities are endless.

The benefits here are not only financial, as we know that an excess of meat is not good for health either.

I will be spending time over the next few days brainstorming meals to replace on Monday's that are meat free. This won't make a huge dent in our bill, but I know that we must start with a single step before we run - after all, slow and steady wins the race - I hope to eventually cut our meat costs in half.

Do you have any meatless meals that you find you are able to make cheaply?

A letter of intent

When was the last time you wrote a letter by hand? Not on a computer, or a blackberry, or an iPhone - but on paper, with ink? This is becoming a thing of the past. Not that that is necessarily a bad thing, it cannot be disputed that computers allow for much more efficient work - added bonuses like spell check and backspace make our lives lazier easier.

But it makes me sad to think that handwritten letters have fallen completely to the wayside. There's something so personal and endearing about hand writing a note. It takes intention and thought and extra effort.

This was something I realized today when I went to go write my Compassion Children a note online -- you no longer need to hand write notes, you can send emails and they will be delivered. I stopped short of "send" and decided that, instead, I wanted them to know that they are worth the thought, they are worth the extra effort.

There are other people in my life who I would live to convey that to as well. So I have decided to sit down and write today - to everyone that is on my mind. I understand that maybe not everyone will appreciate the sincerity in a hand written letter like I do, but maybe they will. Just maybe.

Frugal in Forty: Day 5 - A Time To Rest

As I've stated before, this journey is not only about becoming a better steward of our home and finances, but to bring peace and stability, a place of harmonious constancy to our lives. I believe that in order to achieve that, you must set aside time for rest. The home should be a place of solace and rejuvenation for your family. I believe it's important to set aside time free of schedule and business to just enjoy each other, and weekends usually are the perfect times to allow that to happen.

Remember, in a world of go-go-go, to stop, and breathe, and simplify!

Elegant Baby $75 shopping spree giveaway!

Who doesn't love free stuff? I know I do! And today I'm really excited about a giveaway going on over at Baby Loving Mama.

Right now she's sponsoring a give away from Elegant Baby for a $75 dollar shopping spree! As a mom, there's nothing I love more than buying things for my Twincesses, and this store knows how to call to my heart!

Elegant Baby offers everything from sweet baby bloomers...

Pink and White Ruffled Baby Bloomers


To adorable piggy banks...

Piggy Bank Green and Pink


To the cutest hooded towels you've ever seen!

The Olivia Owl Bath Towel

And everything in between :)

So head on over to the give away at Baby Loving Mama's Blog and enter for your chance to win!

Frugal in Forty: Day 3 - Out with the old, in with the new!

My girls are getting to an age where they no longer play with or need a lot of things we used when they were newborns. These things are taking up precious space in our living room and the nursery and are not being used. Swings, Boppys, Bumbos, Play mats, bouncy chairs, our rocker -- all things that take up a substantial amount of space unnecessarily. Enter, Craigslist! I love craigslist. You can get things out the door and recoup some of your cost for them - thus simplifying AND frugal! Put the money you earn in a fund towards new things that you'll need for your kids, monthly bills, or a special event you're saving for.

Today I decided to take two steps - since it takes some time for things to actually sell on craigslist, and not very much effort to list them. So, I also started thinking about and planning ways that I can cut down on our shopping list - which is really at the heart of frugal simple living. I'm utilizing mostly blogs to inspire me - reading up on ways to make meals cheaper and stretch further, what items are best to buy in bulk, and collecting coupons to help keep costs down.

What do you do to get the most out of your budgets?

Day 3 - Success :)

Frugal in Forty: Day 2 - Cleaning out THEIR closet

One would be under the assumption that the closet and dresser of 9 month old's would be simple and manageable - not in this house! These girls have clothes coming out their ears, in all shapes and sizes. In fact, I'm fairly certain they have more clothes than I do. Granted, there are two of them. Still, I found that a good amount of clothes were out of season or out of size. Just add it to the pile of donation clothes!

Our house isn't excessive, and the nursery is the smaller of the bedrooms, so every inch of space needs to be used wisely and organized. Because there was no "leeway", just having that pile of clothes out of place made everything feel chaotic, but now that things are in order it's much more relaxing.

Do you ever notice you sleep better when your room is clean? Cleanliness and order are peaceful, which is ultimately the goal of this endeavor - peace!

These baby steps are proving to be a wise decision for me. I am not overwhelming myself with an impossible list of things to do in one day, but rather taking effective steps to bring order and peace to our lives. This is not the same effect as I would have by simply cleaning - cleaning would be moving things around, shifting the chaos - this home detoxification is getting things OUT that are serving no purpose but to clutter. This way, at the end of the 40 days, things will not still be there, waiting to be shifted again, but we will be able to maintain the peace and order far more easily.

Here we go...

Half way through...

And sorted! Bags are going elsewhere, huge improvement!

And so - Day two: Success!

Frugal in Forty: Day 1 - Cleaning out my closet

Literally! Tonight I went through my dresser and closet and sorted all the clothes from each other. I removed and set aside all of my winter clothes to be put in a storage bin, and separated a huge pile of clothes to be donated that haven't been worn in months. They are obviously not clothes I value, or else I would have worn them already, and there are people who are in far greater need of them than I. My dresser is nice and empty organized now, and I am enjoying the way things are fitting better.

So day one was a success! One step at a time :)

Suppose a person is good and does what is fair and right ( . . . ) He gives bread to the hungry and clothes to those who have none ( . . . ) Whoever does these things is good and will surely live, says the Lord God. - Ezekiel 18:5-9

Moby Wrap

When I brought my sweet littles home from the NICU, all I wanted to do was cuddle them all day, they were so sweet and squishy. And despite my husband assuring me I needn't worry about the housework at that point, I felt the need to begin organizing our life after the chaos that was our life in the NICU -- enter, The Moby. The Moby is what is classified as a stretchy wrap. It's a long piece of stretchy fabric in which you can wrap and carry your baby(ies) hands free. This wrap was my life saver for for the first few months that the girls were home. You can find a myriad of Moby instructional videos on Youtube to help you figure out how to wrap singletons and twins.

A note* Despite the package stating that it can carry up to 35 lbs, it has been found that after 20 - 25 lbs the Moby stops being as supportive. It is also recommended that you do not carry your baby facing forward in the Moby - as it is believed it puts potentially harmful pressure on the baby's hips and is not correctly supportive for hip or spine alignment.

I strongly recommend investing in a Moby wrap. If you cannot afford to purchase one brand new ($40), I recommend checking out thebabywearer.com or the Baby Wearing Swap on Babycenter.com to find a gently loved one, usually for at least half the price! If you do buy a new one, remember that most often you can sell it once you no longer need it on the aforementioned websites as well to recoup some of your cost!

Frugal in Forty

Our life is frittered away by detail… Simplify, simplify. - Henry David Thoreau, Transcendentalist author and poet

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak - Hans Hoffman, early 20th century abstract expressionist painter

Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things. - Elise Boulding, late 20th century author and sociologist.

For our boast is this, the testimony of our conscience, that we behaved in the world with simplicity and godly sincerity, not by earthly wisdom but by the grace of God, and supremely so toward you. - 2 Corinthians 1:12, NKJV


I read an article today about the link found between sodium nitrites and the increased risk of cancers, wherein it declared that nearly all processed foods contained this harmful carcinogenic. Curiously, upon visiting the grocery store shortly thereafter, I took the time to check out the labels on the packages of yet-to-be-sliced sandwich meat at the deli. Surprise, surprise, I found row after row of sodium nitrate, sodium nitrate, and more sodium nitrate. On every. Single. One. And it's not just sandwich meat - you can also find this unnecessary color enhancing additive in hot dogs, frozen meats (mostly red), pepperoni, bacon (thank goodness my store sells natural nitrate/nitrite free bacon!), etc. Basically, if it's processed and/or red meat, you can count on it having this ingredient. *note, this does not include fresh red meat*.

I know there are people reading this who are probably rolling their eyes, I'm pretty sure my husband did a little, because it seems like every other day someone is putting out a new study about something else giving us cancer. People are beginning to wonder how much is real and how much is being used to stir up fear. But processed foods are something we've been warned about time and time again, for more than a handful of reasons. I decided to avoid my deli meat on today's shopping trip, which made me think about things that I can eat that are fresh and wholesome and good for you, which in turn led me to some blogs I read, that specialize in natural living, as resources. Most of them have one thing in common, frugality.

In the past this word was not a used in a positive light, it was usually used to describe people who pinched their pennies, were greedy, selfish, miserly. This is not the way frugality is usually intended today, and it certainly is not the way God wants us to live. The modern concept of frugality, however, I believe to be very God honoring. It's about *simplifying* - everything from our bank accounts to our refrigerator to our souls. It's about de-cluttering our homes and our priorities. It's about reassigning value from the inconsequential to the fundamental.

It is my belief that a frugal lifestyle is the way to holiness and a closer relationship with God. This is something I desire not only for myself but for my household. And we are surely in desperate need of some purging and purification. So, for the next 40 days I will be on a mission to begin a lifestyle of frugality for myself, my family, my home, and my spirituality.

It will be largely "out with the old - in with the new". I will be putting together new shopping lists, figuring out how to make food go further, re-organizing my home, re-budgeting, in short, completely revamping.

Great things are always accomplished over the course of 40 days in the bible, and I know I have a lot of work to do, but I am praying that this will be the start of a new life for us. With Christ, all things are possible.

When 'our best' is not enough.

We are all familiar with the phrase "Your best is enough", but this afternoon I am sitting here completely convinced that it is not. Our best is always totally and completely inadequate. Our best falls pathetically short. No, our best is not enough. When I hear that phrase it conveys an image to me, an image of giving or doing until we feel we've run out of room, shrugging and saying "well I gave it my best". I know how I sound, I know what some of you are thinking, but hear me out. We need to be striving for God's best, not our own, and I believe in order to accomplish that it means to never stop. Even when it hurts, when it's scary, when it's uncomfortable, when it's unfamiliar, we should never stop.

Do you give until it hurts? I don't. God does not provide us with nearly overflowing resources so that we might hoard them to ourselves in an attempt to make our lives as comfortable as possible. He gives to us so that we have *more* to give.

Right now I am following a group of bloggers who are currently on a missions trip to the Philippines through Compassion International. I'm reading these words on my two year old laptop (that I complain about being out of date), in my air conditioned house (that I complain about being too small) from my overstuffed sofa. And I am thinking to myself "what am I doing?".

We don't currently sponsor any charity of any kind. Because if we did that we wouldn't be able to pay our cable bill, or go out to eat, or buy new housewares. And it suddenly feels like such a terribly pathetic excuse. I have a lot to pray about and evaluate in my life, because I am now convinced that God did not bless me with the resources I have in order to cushion my life. This is not what life is about. If you feel like challenging yourself, I encourage you to follow these bloggers this week on their trip, and ask God to open your hearts to their messages, and pray for them while they're on their journey.

Chatting at the sky
Simple Mom
Inspired to Action
Keeper of the Home
Passionate Homemaking

A battle of faith

Oh, Lord, rescue me, I beseech you
Encamp your angles round about me and deliver me from our enemy
Harken unto me, Abba, hear my cry
I need you to be my rock and my foundation, let me hold fast to you
My soul cries out for you, for You are my Savior
Though the war spins round about me, I desperately seek to fix my gaze upon you
When the fight engulfs me from my right and my left, from below me and behind
I lift my hands up to you from the mountain and I wait for your deliverance
In the storms, you are my shelter, in the wasteland you are my well
In the black of night you are the my eternal light
When my strength has failed, I will rest in the Everlasting Arms
Yahweh, I call out to you, save me from my despair
You are my God, your grace is sufficient, your love is perfect
Blessed be your name forever and ever
Selah.





When we are attacked, we are rarely attacked on only one front.
Because one front can usually be easily defended, can't it?
No, it is much more advantageous for the Devil to attack us from multiple strategic angles.
Fear of death, lack of self esteem, doubt, marital insecurity, illness, a childs illness, financial strain.
He hopes that by breaking the ice on all angles, that we will fall through, that we will give into the seemingly hopeless chill that engulfs us.

These moments happen to everyone, they are not unique to any one person - what sets us apart is how we react to these situations. Some people will look to themselves, some people will look to their friends, some to alcohol, some to drugs. I am choosing to look to my Lord with the strength that I can. I am not strong, I am not perfect, but I am putting my effort into my Father and Savior. But I do not believe this journey is one that I can walk alone. I need your help. I need your prayers, I need you to lift me up.

In Exodus 17 Moses prays to the Lord for victory in a battle that Israel was fighting. When he kept his arms raised, Israel won, when he let them fall, they lost ground. When his arms became too heavy for him to hold up on his own, Aaron and Hur came along side and held them up for him - and because of this, they won the battle.
Right now, I need you to hold up my hands. I am tired, I am afraid, I am physically run down. Will you help me win this battle?

More like a raging sea

It's funny the way God works.

A few days ago I posted the chorus to one of my favorite songs by Mikeschair

"There's a raging sea right in front of me
Wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise if you want them to
I will follow you, I will follow you"

I did this simply because the song came on the radio and I thought it was inspirational (for other people).

But it's funny the way God works.

I have a confession to make. I have a small overwhelming and sinful fear of cancer. Breast cancer, skin cancer, and as of recently, now lymphoma. A little over a year ago I was convinced I had breast cancer. I spent weeks sobbing over it, I was absolutely and inconsolably afraid. An ultrasound showed that the lump I thought was a tumor was just a normal mass of tissue.

Relief... temporarily.

Two days ago while showering I discovered that the lymph node in my left armpit felt swollen. Needless to say I have a doctors appointment on Monday, because I have once again allowed my fear of cancer and death to overwhelm me. I have visions of leaving my family, nightmares of my daughters growing up without a mother, never remembering me, not being able to see them take their first steps, tell me they love me for the first time, get married, have children of their own. I cry, and cry, and cry.

See, we all have a weakness, and Satan knows them, and he certainly knows this is mine. This is my most painful thorn in the flesh.

Here's the thing about that song, the chorus is filled with faith and courage, but here are the first two verses

"Don't know where to begin, it's like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear - Where do I go from here?

Sometimes it's so hard to pray when You feel so far away
But I am willing to go where you want me to - God, I trust You"

Hello, conviction, my name is Ashley.

I don't believe in coincidence, so the fact that I posted this song mere hours before it became my reality speaks volumes to my heart. God was preparing me for my personal storm before I even had any idea that the sky was darkening.

James 1:6 - But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

Wave? No. This is more like a raging sea.

I don't know what's going to happen on Monday. I'm hoping and praying that the doctor will tell me that I am, once again, over-reacting. But this is life, so there is a chance that he might not. There is a chance that I will not hear what I'm praying to hear. Will I still so jovially proclaim that I will follow him into the rising water then? This is something that I am working on and praying about - would you, if you remember, keep me in your prayers as well?

Lord, how I want to confidently follow you into any storm! Strengthen my heart, increase my faith, for I know that those who ask with full faith in you will receive that which they have asked for.


(to be continued...)

There's no such thing as Happily Ever After

That's the lesson that we intentionally try to impart upon our daughters, isn't it? Life is not a fairy tale, there will be heartbreak, disappointment, and tribulations that we all go through, we need want to establish realistic expectations with our children. Because surely this is not something that they will learn on their own, right?

But what if that really is doing them a disservice? This is not to say we need to fill their heads with notions of whirlwind romances that result in effortless marriages, but hear me out.

A mother tells her daughter that Prince Charming's do not exist, men are not really like that, life is hard and unfair and she should get used to being disappointed by them and everyone else. You cannot rely on anyone but yourself, and you MUST on all accounts put yourself and your best interests first. I've heard all those things, many times, from many different people. We are jading God's beautiful invention from the word go. This little girl who grows up hearing this has a preconceived notion of men - that they are ALL faulted, they are ALL going to disappoint you, they are ALL horribly imperfect, they are ALL lazy, they are ALL selfish, they are ALL pigs, on and on. So she lowers her standards. She accepts things because she believes that is just the way it is. She settles, because Prince Charming does not exist.

She carries this mentality through her relationships, the memories of being told all about how lazy and dumb and thoughtless men are, constantly guiding her actions and words. Her decisions are self-serving because she believes she cannot rely on a man to provide her with anything. The man in this relationship feels emasculated, disrespected, unnecessary.

Or it goes the other direction. She allows herself to be mistreated, she puts up with inappropriate behavior, she feels unappreciated and commonplace, but she endures because there's no such thing as a happily ever after, this is just the way life is.

But it's not, it doesn't have to be, and we should not convince our daughters that it is! Let them believe that there is a Prince out there for them, because there is! Before she was even born, God laid out a plan for her, including a man who will LOVE her and HONOR her and treat her like a PRINCESS! I know a handful of couples like this, and it's not a charade. Do they have hard times? Yes! They know that marriage takes work, but they know that with God it is beautiful, it is holy, it is sacred.

Teach your daughters to hold herself in such high esteem that she will not accept anything less than to be treated like a princess. Teach her that it is okay to wait for someone that fulfills Godly standards. Teach her that life is not perfect, but there is someone out there who was made perfectly for her. Instead of painting a shadow over God's perfect design, illuminate it. Tell her about how wonderful it can be if she waits for God 's timing. Teach her that men are made in God's image, that we are all flawed, but that with the Lord's help she will find a man that she can rely on, a man she can depend on, a man who can walk with her through this life as a loving partner and equal. Not someone above her, and not someone below.

The world is harsh enough, and sadly our daughters will eventually know disappointment and heartache without our help. So counter it. Encourage them to believe in redemption, in forgiveness, in perseverance - that is to say, encourage them to believe in true love.

On prioritizing priorities

I will very willingly reluctantly admit that the internet is by and large my biggest time waster. It is the enemy to my productivity and my constant vice, to the point that it's almost an addiction. Being constantly accessible is more or less the theme of our generation, and technology is a good thing, but it is probably definitely a distraction; and like all things when not controlled in moderation - it can be a tool of the enemy's. I am constantly putting off my Christian and wifely duties in lieu of the internet. Between Facebook, the Disney message boards (yes, I am a Disney dork!), Blogger, and Yahoo, I spend nearly every free second indulging in the vastness that is the world wide web, and it's starting to become an issue.

There are days when I forget to even look in the general direction of my bible to do my devotionals - but you can be sure I will be accessing Facebook from my phone mere seconds after I wake up and turn off my alarm. There are dishes to be done, but the twins just went down for a nap and I need to catch up on my emails, so they will have to wait. And wait. And wait. Until my husband does them for me, which spurs me to get off of the computer (temporarily) and help. This is not how it should be.

I am very proud of being a stay at home mom/wife, and don't get me wrong, I do work hard during the day. I take care of infant twins by myself from the time my husband leaves for work until he gets home, and then we share the duties until bed. I don't know if you've ever had twins - or even one baby - but it is a demanding job. So demanding, I tell myself, that when I manage to get them to sleep at the same time, that I deserve a break. Ah, my downfall.

So today I realized it was time to re-prioritize my, well, priorities. I am a creature of habit in that I do not like to create new habits nor deviate from my well established ones - but this week I am going to do just that. For the next 7 days I have decided that each night I am going to make a list of the things I need to get done the next day - devotions, bills, cleaning, etc. and I am going to abstain from the internet entirely until that list is completely checked off. If that means that I don't get to the computer all day, so be it. I imagine this will be liken to breaking an addiction - because at it's core that's really what it is. I'm hoping by the end of this weekly challenge that getting my tasks done will come more naturally and I won't have to restrict myself so severely, but we'll see.

What about you? Do you have a "time waster" that's standing in your way of reaching your full productivity potential? If so, how do you deal with it? Please share!

Brown Sugar Glazed, Bacon Wrapped, Stuffed Pork Tenderloin

Or, as I call it, Pork Three Ways!

Pork Tenderloin is easily one of my favorite meats to work with. It easily adapts to any flavor - sweet, spicy, savory, you name it - when you cook it properly it's melt in your mouth tender, and if you're a savvy shopper you can usually get them in packs of 4 for the cost of one steak. This time I went for sweet and salty - probably my favorite combination. If you try this, please let me know how it turns out!

Ingredient list:
Pork tenderloin
1/2 a loaf of bread (or store bought bread cubes)
2 Sausage links
Green apple
Onion
Garlic cloves
Dried Cranberries
Chicken broth
Bacon
Brown sugar
Salt
Pepper
Italian Seasoning
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Poultry seasoning
Grapeseed oil

Starting with stuffing - if you are not using store bought bread cubes, preheat your oven to 325, then take half a loaf of bread and cut it into 1/2 inch cubes and arrange on a cookie sheet. Drizzle/spritz with oil, then sprinkle with salt, pepper, onion and garlic seasonings, poultry seasoning (optional), and italian seasonings. Put into the oven for about 15 - 20 minutes or until the bread is baked and firm.

Remove two sausage links from their casing and cook in a hot skillet until done. Remove and let it rest for 5 - 10 minutes.

Peel and grate 1 tart green apple, dice 1 onion, three garlic cloves, and set aside 1/2 a cup of dried cranberries. You can also add 1/2 a cup of chopped pecans, I didn't for this recipe but I plan to next time I make this!

Add all the ingredients to a hot skillet on medium heat with a turn or two of oil and a pinch of salt and pepper until onions are softened.

Chop the sausage into small bits and add to the onion mix.

Next, add the bread cubes to the mix and pour in a can of chicken broth, then turn the flame to low and cover with a lid.

Meanwhile, get your pork tenderloin and slice it almost in half long ways - stopping about 1/2 an inch shy of cutting through. Drizzle with a little bit of grapeseed (or your oil of choice), cover with a sheet of plastic wrap, and pound with a meat hammer until about 1/2 an inch thick. Season with a little salt and pepper. At this point you're going to check your stuffing mix - make sure that the bread cubes are moist throughout now - if they still seem crunchy add 1/2 a can more of chicken broth and stir well, replace the lid and check in five minutes. Repeat as often as necessary. Once it's ready, spoon the stuffing mix onto the pork loin.

Now roll the loin tightly and set with the seam side down. At this point, to make it easier on yourself, you can place the loin in whatever you plan to bake it in (I recommend something with a higher edge, since this will release a fair amount of juice). Mix about 1/2 a cup of brown sugar with 1/3 a cup of water and microwave (or melt in a pan on the stove, if you prefer) until it's a thin glaze consistency. Spread a small amount over the loin (the bits you see in the picture are pieces of cracked pepper).

Wrap the loin in bacon, tucking each end of bacon under the loin, then cover with the rest of the brown sugar glaze. Make sure all the bacon is covered with the glaze - make more if you need to.

(I ran out of bacon by the 2nd one, but the loin should be covered more like the bottom one looks - from end to end)

Bake in your oven at 350 until an instant read thermometer reaches 145 degrees. If you don't have a thermometer (I strongly recommend you get one!!) you can go by the rule of 20-25 minutes per lb of meat (ie. 2 lb roast - 40 - 50 minutes). Just be careful, a stuffed roast will not take as long to cook as a solid one, and will dry out faster, but you do not want undercooked pork! Remove pork from oven and cover with aluminum foil for about 15 minutes (temperature of pork should continue to rise about 10 degrees).

Then slice into medallions and serve with your choice of sides!

I hope you enjoy it as much as we did!

Leading by example

This morning I was doing my daily devotions and I was in Genesis 22. You know the story; God wanted to test Abraham, so he told him to sacrifice his son, Isaac. The two traveled to Mount Moriah where Abraham built an alter and was about to offer his son to God, when an angel of the Lord stopped him. He had passed the test.

If you're anything like me you have heard this message time and time again - a message of faith and obedience. But today when I was reading, that's not what came to me. Now, I am convinced that Isaac knew exactly what was going on by the time they reached the mountain and built the alter. There is no word of a struggle, of Isaac trying to flee or of him pleading for his life with his father. No, I believe that Isaac was ready and willing to let his father sacrifice him. And this is what spoke to me. Did God talk to Isaac and tell him what he had commanded his father to do? That everything was going to be alright? Maybe. But, and this is only my personal theory, I don't really think so. I believe that Isaac's compliance came from the fact that he simply trusted his father to do God's will and what was best for him.

What a concept. I want that. I want to be so solid in my obedience to God, so blatent in my love for and service to him that my children would follow my lead, do as I say without question, because they fully and completely trust that I am doing God's will and what I believe is the best thing for them. I want them to trust me, even when they don't understand, when they can't see the point or the purpose - and it all starts with my obedience. Oh how I want to be an Abraham, not only in service to God, but in service to my children.

Homemade Wipe Solution

Okay, so this isn't exactly food (although you could eat it if you wanted to, but I'm not sure what would compel someone to do such a thing), but it is a recipe. My family cloth diapers and we also use cloth wipes. When we were in the NICU the nurses didn't use any kind of solution on their wipes, just water, and that's what we've been using since. However, a few weeks ago their poops started changing (over share?) and I decided it was time for something a little... cleaner. Enter the wipe solution. I researched various recipes and created my own based on what I found, so I thought I'd share it with you.

What you'll need:

1 tablespoon Coconut, Almond, Apricot, or some other fruit/nut oil (I used Organic Unrefined Coconut Oil)

1 tablespoon Dr. Bronner's Castile Soap (They have multiple fragrances, but I just used the unscented)

4 drops Organic Tea Tree Essential oil

4 drops Organic Lavender Essential oil

1 teaspoon White vinegar (Omit this is your baby has a rash!)

2 1/2 cups water

Add all the ingredients in a bowl and whisk until fully combined (not too much though, to avoid foaming the soap)

At this point you can do a couple things; you can put the solution into a bottle and spray your wipes as you use them, or you can wet the wipes and store them. We have a Prince Lionheart Cloth Wipes Warmer that we were lovingly and generously given by a sweet friend at our baby shower, so I apply the solution and put my wipes in that. I used a squirt bottle and arranged my wipes on a clean surface, then I applied the solution over the wipes evenly (both sides).

And done! This made enough for about 40 wipes, which will last us about 4 days. You could very easily double the recipe and store the remaining solution in a larger bottle, but it only took about 5 minutes to make from start to finish. Much cheaper and "greener" than buying disposable wipes every week!


Tips and side-notes:
- You can use different essential oils based on your preferences. I chose lavender for it's antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial, antiseptic, aromatic, and sedative properties, and Tea Tree oil for it's antibacterial, antifungal, anti-inflammatory, antimicrobial, antiseptic, and antiviral properties. Just make sure that whatever oils you choose are organic and truly essential. Read the fine print!

- The use of vinegar is also for anti-fungal purposes.

- You can also add more or less soap. I prefer not to have that filmy feeling left over, and I think it tends to dry out skin, so I use less than some recipes call for.

Be successful and happy, not a mother.

If you haven't seen the latest Beyaz birth control commercial, here's a summary. Four very chic women walk into the proverbial department store of life. There they spend the next few minutes browsing over all the things the world store has to offer. Money, vacations, boyfriends, etc. Eventually one of the women stumbles upon a stork carrying a bundle, which she hastily backs away from. The women leave with their chosen goods and the commercial ends.

Maybe I'm only perturbed by this because I am a mother, but I find the insinuation here to be completely insulting. Throughout the commercial we are told that with this birth control you have *choices*, as if to say "You don't have to be doomed to a depressing life of motherhood! Don't you know that if you allow yourself to become a mother you will instantly also become uneducated, miserable, poor, alone, and in all other ways imprisoned?"

It's amazing to me how the world has turned such an awesome thing into an inferior burden. Not that long ago the idea of a mother staying home taking care of her children was the norm. Not so these days. No, these days to even suggest such a thing to some women is an insulting smack in the face. When did raising children become déclassé? I, personally, don't think there is any job in existence more important than that of raising of a human being. Do children come with responsibility? Of course they do, everyone knows that. But being a mother, having children, is not the end of life. It is the beginning of a new life, though. It gives you an entirely new perspective, new priorities, new principles - and honestly, I don't think that's a bad thing. Becoming a mother expands your bounds of compassion and sympathy, it causes you to see what really matters in life, and it shows you who your true friends are. But that's not really the way the world works, is it? Because in this world we are driven by a selfish mentality, thanks in part to the messages we are bombarded with on a daily basis.

As for me? Becoming a mother has, without a shadow of a doubt, made me a better person. So thanks anyways Beyaz, but you can keep it.

What it's all about.

Welcome!

I realize that for a while I will be catering to a somewhat scant close knit group of readers, so if you've made your way over to read this, thank you! I've had casual blogs in the past, but this time I am diving in with the intention of really throwing myself into this. Thus, the fabulous new blog design - courtesy of the lovely Sarah over at Kingdom Twindom. My goal in blogging is to share my faith, my life, my heart, and some of my food with you. It is my plan to be transparently honest in hopes that I can inspire others to do the same, to be who they are as God made them, without a facade. I plan to practice what Mrs. Kingdom Twindom coined as "Bold Blogging" - a blog where I will not inhibit or impede what I know to be true through Christ simply to display an attitude of political correctness. So, what that said again I welcome to you to my blog and I really hope you enjoy reading as much as I will enjoy sharing. See you soon!